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locket

Fingers uncurled
and palm outstretched;

Brow furled
and lips upturned;

An oblong, crested, silver pendant
rests in the valleys I have created;

Tarnished, now half-silver plated, beaded
chain half-dangles below—

A gift from my mother,
and from her mother before,
and from her mother before,
and from her mother before.

Fingers curl one by one
following the familiar vintage ridges,
relearning what is already known to each.

Each then retrace its steps—
the earth calls to my locket, as she has done before;
this time, it answers—becoming one with the dust that created it.

My daughter’s palm is empty;
She will not carry it, as I have.

tree

I liken myself to a tree,
not one sitting on a shelf anxiously waiting to be chosen,
delicately removed, and planted in a cul-de-sac.
rather, one that sprouted serendipitously;
slowly swimming upward toward sunlight
until it reached the canopy of the likeminded;
towering over trodden trails
and the undiscovered;
collecting whispers of those who pass by;
whispering, whistling wind grazes me.
I shake and shudder,
in sync with all the trees around me, but
I grow unnoticed in a sea of those doing the same—
unattached; unabraded; unobserved.
if I fall,
and no one is there to hear my screams,
do I even make a sound?

microdose.

hope should come with a warning label:
“if ingested too hard, it will become false expectation.”

microdose hope. 

sparingly sprinkle specs;
softly slice slivers.
sumptuous consumption consumes;
suppurates somewhere inside you;
skulking…until it
sneakily eviscerates you.
streams of rainbows spill out, 
seep into your blood-stained carpet. 

your pain becomes color,
and color is the deeds of light:
its deeds and its suffering. 

none

is my presence convenient enough for you –
something to acknowledge when it suits your fancy?

shallow shells of friendship;
I am chronically misunderstood. 

how much can a man take before he succumbs to the weight of distrust?

everything has to die. 
every friendship must wither. 

it is uniquely human to believe there is still hope—
or uniquely human to know there is none.

space

when I met you I was scared to fall in love
butterflies grew claws and scratched up my insides
no coincidence that eyes dilate for both fear and longing
my heart learns you
molds only to your hands
your hands know me
know only my throat
windpipe beckoned to bone
and bones to dust
our first date was on backs looking up at stars
that familiar shimmer reminds me that you placed those flickers in the air
then you created space to keep the stars from ever seeing the sun
now space has filled my veins
and the moon lies behind my tongue
my breaths become reflections
my blood seeps into puddles beneath my feet
and I remember that these stars are not yours
I’ve thought my feelings into fog
filled my lungs with smog
there is no turning back from this place I have escaped into
who I have become loves who I am more than she ever did

wanderer

I have changed my identity 1000 times
hidden pieces of myself in places you can never occupy
places you don’t even know exist
I’m a wanderer
attachment is not a concept I give into easily
or frequently
the space between my bones and my skin has become a safe one
curling up next to the shivering frame of my body in the nighttime
and when it’s only dark within my chest
my heart quivers in sunlight like a vampire
or a broken girl
he asked me why I struggled against him
I said because you can’t know me too well
then I moved across state lines because they knew me too well
solemn solitude has become my sole accomplice
walking lonely trails at dusk
praying I get lost in the vastness of the lonely
pulling myself away from connectedness
and grimly lit silhouettes of intimacy
I clawed myself out of the depths of hell
but when I reached for a hand to hold onto
I could only find mine

grandmother

her memories drifted to sleep younger than she
but her thoughts sang chords
she lies in bed with back down and music up
unable to recognize faces
she sings me a song
a chorus
an ode to her lifestory
she will never remember the days spent sipping coffee with the spice of Cajun stories on her tongue
but she knows every word to please come to boston
synapses become lyrics
and lyrics are love in its simplest form